Man Refuses To Comfort His Pregnant Fiancée After She Demanded That They Give Away Their Cat, Changed Her Mind And Was Unable To Get Him Back

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Feb 14, 2024 10:00 AM EST

If you're a cat owner who wants to start a family, we're certain that you and your partner have spent a whole bunch of time wondering how your cats are going to react to the baby. Now, let's be honest, if a you're a cat person like us, then you have definitely seen those adorable videos of cats discovering that their owners are pregnant, and then those cats become clingy toward their pregnant humans, and after that, when the baby comes, the cats and the babies become best friends, and it's the all lovely and beautiful and the cutest thing in the world. 

But the reality is not always like that, and reality hit hard for the couple in this thread - before the baby even arrived into the world. The thought of the cat possibly being a danger to the baby led the woman toward making one of the most difficult decision… giving the cat up. Now, there could be scenarios where that painful decision is the right one to make, but it wasn't the right one here, and now the fiancé is wondering whether he did the right thing by reacting the way that he did to everything that happened. 

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  • 01
    Posted by u/throwrafiancecat 4 days ago AITA for not comforting my fiance and telling her that no one took advantage of her when she was crying over being unable to get our cat back?
    via u/throwrafiancecat

    To be fair to this man, we think that he was unkind toward himself in the way that he presented the situation. Purrsonally, we think he did comfort his wife, but we also understand why she was upset at his reaction. Mistakes were made. Now, we can only hope that the cat will be happy in its new home. 

  • 02
    I (29m) have been with my fiance, Kate (28f) for 6 years and she just gave birth to our daughter into the world two months ago. Before our daughter was born, we had a cat Spooky who's eight years old, and we both loved the hell out of him. Kate had got Spooky two years before I entered the picture after she found him as a stray on the street.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 03
    I never imagined giving him away, but four months into her pregnancy, Kate started insisting that we needed to give Spooky up to a shelter because of the harm he poses to the baby. Now to be clear, Spooky has been around babies and toddlers before without any problems and people made sure their kids didn't provoke him.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 04
    I was confused by this sudden switch due to how much love she usually showed to Spooky, but now she was actively avoiding him and leaving all of his care up to him. I pressed Kate on why she felt like Spooky might hurt the baby and she admitted that she's had a few nightmares of Spooky biting and/or clawing at the baby.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 05
    That prompted me to go research why she was feeling giving Spooky up was the only way, because it was not like Kate to make such big decisions based solely on a few bad dreams, and found out that it was most likely her pregnancy hormones making her so afraid of Spooky all of the sudden.
    via u/throwrafiancecat

    Honestly, it might be a good thing that this kitty found a new home as quickly as it did and that it didn't come back to this household. Because although we think that it's a good thing, at the end of the day, that the fiancée realized her mistake, it simply might not be the most stable of times to bring a cat into the house. After things stabilize and they can give a cat a safe environment to be in… then they should consider bringing one in. 

  • 06
    I told her what I had found out, and suggested we go to a doctor to address it, but Kate refused and said it was her instincts as a soon-to-be mom making her do what was right for the baby. She threatened to leave me and not let me see the baby if I tried to stop her from doing it.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 07
    So, I gave in and Kate looked for a good animal shelter within the city before driving off with Spooky in his carrier in the early morning. She didn't let me come with her, and I cried my eyes out while she was gone.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 08
    Fast forward to now, and Kate has been missing Spooky after healing from the birth. Two days ago, she said to me that she wanted to see if she could get Spooky back from the shelter and I was surprised by this but agreed to drive her to the shelter to see what happened. We left the baby with a trusted friend and went to the shelter in the afternoon.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 09
    I was doubtful about Spooky still being at the shelter, but Kate said that since Spooky was older, he probably didn't get fostered or adopted right away.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 10
    My fiance ended up being completely wrong about that. The woman who met with us at the animal shelter told us that Spooky ended up being adopted by another young couple a few weeks after Kate dropped him off. Kate tried to get the information about the couple from the woman working there, but she said that she couldn't disclose that and just reassured us that Spooky was in a wonderful home.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 11
    Kate was crying the whole drive back home and only stopped while she fed and changed our daughter before doing it again in our bedroom while the baby was sleeping. I just rubbed her back and held as she was crying. In the middle of it, Kate started to rant against the animal shelter for "taking advantage of a soon-to-be mom", and that they should've realized that she would want Spooky back after she gave birth.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 12
    This is where I might be the a sh le. What Kate had said rubbed me entirely the wrong way, and irritated me. Before I could think about what I was saying, I told her that I warned her that it was just the hormones messing with how she felt about Spooky and that no one took advantage of her.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 13
    That made Kate angry with me, so instead of sleeping in our bedroom, she's been staying in the guest room that's closest to the baby. She also hasn't been speaking to me unless necessary. I guess she told her best friend what happened because I got a text from her, asking me how I could be so cruel to my fiance and that I was an absolute for saying that.
    via u/throwrafiancecat
  • 14
    Petefriend86 4 days ago NTA. Wow, I wish I could do "whatever the F*** I want" and simply blame everyone else in my life. 5.3k Reply Share
    via u/Petefriend86
  • 15
    Rosalie-83 4 days ago . This. I mean how likely is it that they'd just give spooky back after 6+ months if they still had him? She gave him up once already, another baby comes and it could happen again it's a shelter not a boarding cattery. And as someone who's worked in both 6 months is a long time in such a small cage. It changes them
    via u/Rosalie-83
  • 16
    microbiologyismylife. 3 days ago I'm just glad this poor kitty was adopted out, instead of being euthanized due to overcrowding at the shelter.
    via u/microbiologyismylife
  • 17
    z00k33per0304 . 4 days ago Also DO NOT BUY A NEW PET! She's going to want to replace Spooky now but she's shown you that she can quickly disassociate her feelings for a pet she "loved" and drop them at a shelter without blinking and also that your feelings and wants have zero weight she's going to do what she
    via u/z00k33per0304
  • 18
    wants or else she's TAKING YOUR CHILD that's something a therapist should be looking into. It's not healthy and before the "pregnancy hormone" brigade starts it's unhealthy either way. I couldn't have brought myself to drop my beloved pets while I was pregnant and could still listen and understand common sense.
    via u/z00k33per0304
  • 19
    IllParticular2232 · 4 days ago NTA and I hope that cats new home is amazing
    via u/IllParticular2232
  • 20
    CWAN OF THE DOG. THE CAT IS NOT TRUSTWORTHY EITHER. jbuckets44. 4 days ago NTA. You did comfort her, but also told her (hopefully gently) the truth. Too bad that you couldn't have given Spooky to a friend on a short-term basis. It will take her a few weeks or months to realize that you were correct (hopefully). I'm sure that her friend got an emotional recounting of what you said.
    via u/jbuckets44
  • 21
    ToxicChildhood. 4 days ago NTA. You did what you could for Spooky. Your wife didn't just say "I don't want the cat". She threatened to NOT ALLOW YOU to see YOUR child if you didn't step aside. Of course you're going to choose your child.
    via u/ToxicChildhood
  • 22
    Kate made the decision. Numerous times. Clearly this wasn't a one day thing and Kate should be blaming no one but herself. Yes, I understand pregnancy hormones but YOU did nothing wrong. Kate needs to accept the fact that she chose to give up her cat. She doesn't get to place blame on anyone else for that, especially not you.
    via u/ToxicChildhood
  • 23
    Best friend needs to mind her own and not get involved. She can support Kate while also not intervening. 445 Reply Share
    via u/ToxicChildhood

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